Suicidal Memories
by HappyRainbowNJS
Summary: Can the love between two people last through the hurt of ones' doings. Can Sesshomaru hold onto the one thing that means the most to him? WARNING: SUCIDAL SUGGESTIONS


**A/N: Ello everyone!!! Me again! lol Well I wrote this story on reguest and it is kinda ruxhes so I apolagize but I hope it's okay!!! ENJOY**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the Inuyasha character and I don't own the song either!  
Song I am on your side, By: Hawthorne Heights**

**Song **_italics  
_**Kagome's letter** _**bold/italics**_

_I never meant to hurt you..._

Once again the razor blade was lifted as she brought the blade across her wrist. The pain of her life slipped out of her for only a moment as a seventeen year old girl slid down the wall of her bathroom watching the crimson fluid flowing freely from her wrist... She sighed in agony as a sinlge tear slid down her cheek.

The blood oozed out of her wist and onto the cold tile floor beneathe her. She did it again. This was her addiction. She lifted herself up off of the floor and grabbed a towel conviniently located on the sink. She wrapped the towel tightly around her wrist and added pressure until the bleeding had finally subsided. Grabbing the razor blade she rinsed off the remaining blood, dried it and then put it under the flap of a mint box located in the bottom cabinet in her bathroom. She then roled down her sleeves and walked out of the now spotless bathroom once again like nothing had happened.

She walked into her bedroom, looking at her alarm clock that now read 2:00am in bright red letters. 'Luckily it's summer.' She thought dryly as she climbed into bed and layed there staring at the ceiling. 'Why do I do this? I made a promise and what would he think if he found out I was doing it again?' She rolled over onto her side as a tear trickled down her cheek. 'Maybe one day he will be able to love me... but for now I guess I will just stick to the same old me...' She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

_Sometimes these thoughts have a way of making sense  
The secrets that you keep turn into accidents  
If you burn away the bonds of selfishness  
The positive and negative have a way of blending in_

A tired teen walked into his house after having an argument with his girlfriend about her lil addiction which wasn't so little to him. She had been hiding this from him for the past three years they had been dating. Didn't she know how badly this hurt him? Not only knowing that she was inflicting pain onto herself but also knowing that she didn't trust him enough to tell him earlier. This was already leaving pitiful scars on his now torn heart. 'Maybe she will stop since she promised...' He thought hanging his jacket onto the holder and throwing his shoes off to the side. He found his way up the stairs and into his room. Climbing into his bed he didn't even think about getting undressed before he was fast asleep.

_End this now we've gone too far  
Lets take back words that turn to scars_

She rolled out of her bed as her alarm clock buzzed. Staring at the clock that read 7:30am as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Satisfied and glad that she was meeting her boyfriend for breakfast she hopped out of bed and made her way over to her closet where she picked out some nice clothes for the day and layed them on her bed.

Walking into her bathroom she got into the shower and ran the water over her sore arm that she had just cut last night. Hissing in slight pain as the water ran over her sores she continued to take her shower wincing every now and then. Getting out of the shower after about twenty minutes she brushed and blow dried her hair straight, brushed her teeth, then walked out and stared down at her choice of clothing laying on her bed.

She had picked a short sleeved black shirt with red words on the front that read "Forget it pal I'm taken" and some dark hip hugger jeans that fit her nicely. Putting on her clothes she walked over to her jewlery box and pulled out a thick bracelet that covered her cut wrist. After last night... she didn't want her boyfriend to know that she had broken her promise about the whole cutting issue! He would completly freak.

Grabbing her purse as she walked out of her house she got into her car and drove down to the only coffee shop in the small town she lived in. Parking her car she walked in and looked around for her boyfriend. She spotted him waiting in line and snuck up behind him putting her small hands over his eyes. "Guess who..." She said quietly into his ear. He smirked a lil and turned around as he whispered her name sweetly and embraced her as he gave her a lil peck on the lips. "So what will you be having my love?" He asked her as he took ahold of her hand and intertwined their fingers as they waited in line. "Ummm... my usual Marshmellow late please." She responded.

As the last person in front of him recieved their order and went to sit down he walked up to the counter. "What can I do for you sir?" The young women asked him from behind the counter. "My lil lady here will have a Marshmellow late and I will have a Chocolate Chip Mocha Late." He replied to her. The lady looked over at his "lil lady" with a disappointed look then went to get their orders. When their orders finally came they went and sat down by a window and started talking. "So about last night... Did you keep your promise?" He asked her as he looked her straight into her eyes.

She quickly looked down finding her lap very interesting. "Well?" He asked sternly now. She looked back up at him and layed her hand on the table. "Well... uhhh... you see..." She didn't know what to say! "Well I will just have to find out myself then." He told her as he grabbed her newly cut wrist and pushed the bracelet up her arm so her cut was openly exposed now. His face turned emotionless and his eyes turned as cold as the winter air. He released her wrist and stood up from the table. "You have chosen. I hope your happy with your decision..." He bit out harshly and walked out of the coffee shop.

Getting into his car he sped out of the parking lot leaving a crying girl in his past. She stood up with tears streaming down her face and ran out of the shop. Stumbling out of the door and to her car. She got in and drove quietly back to her house. She walked into her house and up to her room slamming the door shut behind her as she fell onto her bed. She cried her heart out. He was the love of her life and she had chosen the razorblade over him... She was so pathetic...

_If I could find a way to trun back time  
Had to let you know I'm on your side_

Once again she found herself in the bathroom watching her bloodied wrist shake with weakness from the lack of blood. 'He was right... I am on his side with his decision to leave me... I don't deserve him..' She thought sadly. She was going to do it this time... She was gonna finish the job she had started so long ago. This was her final night... The final time for her to feel pain and the last time she would see his wonderful face again...

_Took the easy way, I shut myself down  
The only way to ease the pain is to drink until I dorwn  
I'll say it out loud, my voice is the only sound  
So listen up I'll spell it out I need your help I need it now_

Stumbling into the door of his apartment he threw his jacket onto the floor as he tried to find the stairs up to his bedroom. He had been out drinking for the past four hours and was now drunker than he had ever been in his entire life. Everything was spinning and he could hardly keep his balance as he clumsily made his way to the spinning staircase. As he walked up the moving stairs gripping the side-rail tightly all he could think about was the girl he was trying to drown away with drinking... Obviously it wasn't working if he was still thinking about her and that just pissed him off. Finally making it to his bedroom door in one piece he practically fell through the door and wobbled unsteadily over to his bed! Falling onto his bed with a thump he swayed drunkily into the darkness of sleep. He needed her help just as she needed his.

_Am I not everything,  
that you wanted me to be?  
I tried my best, took a shot,  
in the dark, and I lost_

With shaking hands she wrote the note that would make his life the most regretable thing he ever knew. Laying her head back against the wall as the crimson liguid coming from her wrist flowed more urgently than ever... She would never be able to be everything he wanted and that was the most painful knowledge she could have ever known but it was the truth and sometimes the truth hurts...

_I tried my best, took a shot,  
in the dark, and I lost_

He awoke with a startling urgency... He was wrong! Completly wrong. Instead of pushing her away he should have brought her closer to him in her time of need. He said that she could tell him anything... anything at all and then when she told him her darkest secret he completly put her at last priority and even tried drinking her memories away. He jumped out of bed ignoring the pounding in his head and rushed out into his car and sped down the road to her house.

Finally reaching her house he knocked on her door several times with no answer. A churning in his gut had him knowing somthing was wrong. After one final knock and no answer he twisted the door knob finding it unlocked! He ran up to her room bursting through the door. Seeing no one he walked to her bathroom and what met his eyes was the wort thing he had ever seen.

Sitting in front of him was his love... The one girl who had been there for him so many times before without a second thought. Her head was tilted back and blood rushed out of the multiple cuts on her wrist. But what was the worst of all was seeing the dullness in her eyes. She had already stopped fighting. She had already given up. He fell to his knees bringing her close to his chest as the blood from her wrists soaked his shirt as she looked up into his heartbroken eyes weakly.

"Ka-gom-e..." He choked out a sob as tears started rolling down his face. "Sessh---o----ma----ru..." She breathed out as she closed her eyes and let the tears that were rolling down her cheeks stain his pants. "I---- lo---v--e-yo---u..." She cried as she opened her eyes once again and stared up at him. Leaning down he kissed her lips tenderly as his tears fell onto her face and slid down to caress their joined lips. He hesitantly pulled away. "I love you too... oh gosh I love you with all my heart... I am so sorry..." He whispered into her ear as she gasped for air and then went limp in his arms.

He shuddered as he looked at her dead eyes. She was gone... For good and... forever! Looking up to the mirror written in the blood was her last goodbye to him... He would never forget that letter of death...

_I never meant to hurt you..._

Two souls died that day. One spiritually and one emotionally... He never was the same after that night. Drinking away his sorrows and pain everynight. But it never seemed to burn away the memories of her. Good or bad. He was never going to be able to forget her. In some ways it was hard and in other ways it was joyous! His life now only consisted aof guessing when the alcohol would finally put him at ease and he would be able to see his lost love once again... Her letter still plagues his mind and he hasn't forgetten it and it will remain as the most wonderful and the most unbearable thing in his life.

_**Sesshomaru.  
Am I not everything,  
that you wanted me to be?  
I tired my best, took a shot but in the end I lost.  
I love you!  
-Kagome**_


End file.
